| from this moment on... |
[Feb. 2nd, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 enraged |
] |
i am untouchable.
from now on...
-guys ain`t getting shit
from meee.
...my heart.
...in my pants.
...anything.
i`m sick of getting hurt && abused
over. and over again.
if i like you; you will never fucking
know. i don`t give a shit if you tell
me you like me. fuck off.
i won`t tell you shit.
&&fyi. i am not a fucking skank.
rarely do guys get in my pants.
thankyouverymuch;asses.
&&chris... fucking call me
you fucking butt-head. =[
|
|
| as if i matter. |
[Feb. 1st, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
he hasn`t called. or text.
anita asked me if i`m being clingy/too.
i don`t think i am... i don`t know.
i texted him yesterday asking if he`s got
any calls from a 952-261 number... no
reply. i was curious... cause it`s one of
the numbers jessi`s calls from...
man; if i don`t hear from him tomorrow..
i seriously give up on love. and boys.
i don`t need anymore hurt to my already
damaged enough heart.
|
|
| ksafgklsfhjnsklaf. |
[Jan. 31st, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 groggy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
takemeaway-fefedobson. |
] |
i hate guys. seriously i do. no joking. i hate em.
they confuse me to hell. and i hate it. i don`t like being confused. not about this.
i like this boy. a lot. i feel 100% safe around him; in his arms. i`m totally fine with myself and how i look when i am with him. i`ve never had that feeling before.
and he seems to feel mutual. when we kissed.. he said afterwards 'i`ve been waiting for that' haha. i was like 'what were you waiting?' 'for the kiss. me and you to kiss.'
he also told me asked me 'how can he be so comfortable around me?' i said 'i don't know' he said the same and that it scares him.
after our hot makeout session(hehehe); he said 'i`ve haven`t felt this connected to someone in a long time.' i was oh my god in my head. this boy is everything and more.
and when i mentioned phoenix, and how my parents are letting me stay. they are buying a townhome cause my mom wont leave in phoenix year round. but i will need someone to help share the cost of rent while she`s not there.... he volutneereddd to be that person...to be my roommate. =]]]
i slept over at his house last wednesday night and friday night. and i was so fucking content with him holding me. we were gonna hang out on saturday night too...but i got a text saying he cant cause he has to take his grams to work at 6am. and i wanna fucking believe that!! but i can`t.... not just yet.
we couldnt hang out sunday either... or mondayy... he told me last night we can chill on friday. i hope so. if not... than my heart will start breaking. skdshvslhg.
he doesn`t play games. doesn`t bull shit. but i`m scared. and i think i honestly have never been more vunerable than i am now. with him. and we aren`t even a thing yet.
i wanna trust him. seriously i do. but it`s hard. really hard when every other guy abused that trust. and now that trust is like a single thread that is barely hanging on.
he`s the first guy in a long time; prolly ever; that i liked enough not to fool/play around with other guys. and we aren`t even dating! i like him that fucking much; dude. i`m scaredd.
i`m scared that he`s like all the rest. that he will just lead me on and break my heart even more than the others did.
i miss him. i want his arms around me. him tickling me to death till i say 'i give up'
i want to kisss this boy so bad right now.
akjddsbckndsijaolfa.
grrrrrrr. i`m going to bed. or going to try too.
|
|
| mhm; that it`s just want we need.. &&you decided this. |
[Jan. 28th, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
imogenheap. |
] |
yupp i so suck at updating this thing. =[
Soon when i have enough time; prolly tomorrow or tuesday since i have off. i will actually update this thing. everything from my trip to phoenix to now. so prepare to read it all; my darlings<3
|
|
| baby;;it`s cool you suck at school anyways. |
[Dec. 22nd, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
thesummerobsession-doyouremember. |
] |
i think i`ve spent like $100 on jess for christmas. haha. $200 for everyone else. haha. =]] i only got anita && jess gifts out of my friends; cause they`ve been there for me 100% lately... jamesy gave me a teddy bear today to make up for what happened last weekend.
i got drunk at darrel`s apartment. (this kid from my class. he was a football player. 4th string. ha.) but yeah i guess larry (the sober one) had his hands full with mici (katey`s bestfriend) && she was apparently all over him trying to sleep with him. so he put darrel in charge of me. and letting me pass out on his bed. since i guess where i was would have given me a horrible neck ache in the morning. so i went along. and i guess my friend darrel who i trusted. toke advantage of my drunkness. (he was too) but still; whatthefuck you don`t take advantage of drunk girls who are your friends!! or girls period assholes. he said he asked permission. wtf. i`m drunk. i don`t know any better. i say yes to everything usually. that`s why i don`t get that drunk. but it just happened. uvblue&&redbull=not a good mixed drink. =\\ &&i was cutting mici off, cause she was drunk enough. trust me. she had like 6 mugs of that shit in under an hour. which brings me o what happened to her. which almost involved calling 911 or going to the er. she got dangerously drunk. but weridly enough pim (chick who was there with darrel) is an emt. haha. lucky us. she watched mici && told us mici over-drank big-time. &&was in like a coma-stance. awake and shit. talked to us. well kinda. mumbled mostly. puked on katey`s hands. haha. and on herself. a lottt. while everyone is fine. mici was hungover all day saturday through. fucked katey over. so now katey`s back in wi for good. =[[[ fucking mici. she played larry too acted like she really liked him and shit. so now he's hurt. poor larr-bearr<33
&&than larry called me easy last night. fuck him. >=[ trying making me feel all guilty for not wanting to date him. his best friend is fucking jon!! who by the way, never ever wants to talk/see me again. =\\
moving on... i workkk on christmas eve. =]]] with jessica so it`s cool. && anita. && aaron. can we say parttyyyyy?!?!? 11-5pm peoplee;; visit me<333 &&i finally get to hang with justin on saturdayyy!! =DDD i adore that boy a lot. i got him a teddy bear. haha. he had his tonsils taken out on wednesday. his birthday was today. &&his bitch of a girlfriend ditched him with some lame excuse to be with her friends. fuck her ass i told him.
&&chloe will be so happy to hear this. jamesy kissed me tonight. it kinda just happened. we got some snow on the ground. finallly!!! (i knoww!!! hahha. global warming shit. global warming can suck my dick...if i had one. hahhaha.) enough for a snow ball fight. so we had one. and we goofed around with throwing snowballs at eachother until i fell and he tried to catch me. ha. didnt work. he fell with me. and yeah... then my dad drove up; got out and said 'hi becky. hi jamesy. when you guys are done come inside.' haha. we just laughed our asses off when he walked in the house. and got up and i gots a piggy-back ride from himmm.
i`m tired. sleeeppy time. long day. 11-2 work. after going through my clothes with jess. than maybe call kayleigh up and see if i can tag along to the shindig at brandon`s house since i got no plans. cause jared wants some alone time with jess. relaxing time. poorr little babbeyy he is. hahha<333
PS. I REALLY MISS BOBBY. =[[ he called me a lot last weekend. esp. when i was drunk. i read a text i sent him at like 3am telling him i was sobering up and was really scared about mici and he replied with 'babe, you want us to drive down there? just say the word<3' i was like 'awww. he`s so cutee.' his ringtone is hinder-lips of an angel. =]] before the party we played pool &&it played. &&i got moody//sad cause it mad eme think of him. &&everyone just laughed. &&katey was like you two should goo out. meh. i haven`t seen him since sept. 10th. =\\
guys fucking confuse becky. to hell they do.
|
|
| a lesson learned all to well. |
[Oct. 31st, 2006] |
| [ |
music |
| |
single-natasha. |
] |
jessica was right.
jared was right.
caroline was right.
i was wrong. yet again.
it's werid jess liked the guy at first cause he was sweet to me and stuff. she met him on the 20th. we all went to valleyfair and then me and him went back to my house to watch movies and sleep. yeah shut up. he slept over.
but then she changed her mind after a text i got. i always do that. i should just listen to jess about guys from now on. and what the fuck. why didn't i listen to caroline. she met him before me. and knew more about him. esp. after our yahoo talk i still continued to text with him.
some days i think i'm seriously fucked up. =[
but anyways hahaha yesterday at work me and jess made some awesome videos. =] like our pizza one. and jess trying to flip a tomoatoe. and cook it. hahhaa. and thien yelling at us for not working. it was fun. clay came in early.and started early so we could leave early. he seriously has a crush on me. we decideded this yesterday. haha. i saw max a couple days agoo. =] i miss that kiddd.
and new song becky is addicted to would be
give up to give in by ahe. haha.
|
|
| AWWWW. (: |
[Sep. 10th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
peaceful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jessicaonthephone. |
] |
kjbsvkjbnureogvajgvdsjlmvmkosjpfe.
I met a boyyy. His name is Bobby. He's 22. And fucking cute and sweet. We met at this party I went to last night at my friend Harry's place in Maple Grove. The party was hopping. When me and my friend Darrel from high school got there; there was lines and lines of cars. ROFLZ. It was awesome. Darrel brought me my first drink which was my last since I didn't lose my cup. :D He's such a doll. I remember when I first met him in American History. He was the football player and I was the loser girl. And yet he still talked to me everyday and we hung out outside of school. He could have cared less that I was a outkast. <3
But anyways; when we got there. Bobby was passed out on a couch downstairs. While in hopes that he might wake up I brought the people I was talking to down to the couch. 2 girls came down and started writing on him. ROFLZ. I joined and wrote 'I love teh cock' And drew a picture of one. Hahaha. I couldn't stop laughing. I woke him up like 20 mins later when I leaned on top of him. Haha. It was a nice wake up he told em. Waking up to a beautiful girl's face. Awww<33 While me and him made out intensely under the blanket. He didn't try anything! I was so shocked and happy. And then Harry and Darrel started throwing empty cups at us until we came out. Darrel kept going on about how he doesn't want me to make a mistake like I've done in the past at parties. Cutie. He always looks out for me. And than Harry told me to come with him for a smoke. But roflz I don't smoke unless I'm really upset. Which I wasn't so he just did the same thing Darrel did. Then I went back in and cute guy left. ): He went upstairs. So we didn't really talke until 3am again when we decided to go to bed. And wow. Everyone thought we did it. Cause we were in a dark room and we locked the door. But wtf. HAHAHA. All we did was talk; tickle each other; kiss and cuddle. And I kept saying 'Aww. I'm going to go upstairs now. Since I don't think you like me' and he would like hold me tighten so I couldn't. Aww<3 It was so nice. (: Then we moved to our old couch cause Harry Potter(this 19yrold named Evan. He looks excatly like Harry Potter cept without the mark on the forehead) claimed that room as his crash place. It was a closet. But really a room. It had no bed. So me and Bobby weren't really comfortable. But we fell asleep in each others arms at like 5:30 in the morning. I woke up to him playing with my hair at like 10 in the morning. He said 'Morning cute stuff' and kissed my forehead. JBCKSJACHWGICNKLWIE. I love guys that do that.We cuddled until like 10:10 when he called his friend to came and get him cause his firend was taking him to another Twins game. And than like 10:20 his friend calls and goes 'I'm here. Get outside.' And hungs up. And Bobby hugs me to death. And kisses me and tells me he better se eme again cause he rreally likes me. Awwww<3333 He called me at 8pm tonight and asked me what I was doing this week and that we should hang out.
He gave me buutterfliessss. ♥
SORRRYYY FOR THE LONGGG ENTRY. ILU IF YOU READ IT ALL<3
|
|
| Get over yourself Boy. |
[Sep. 5th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
Calling me up out of the blue to hang out. You come over and right away you start shit. And act like you still know me and how I feel. Could you be more out of line? You don't even know me anymore. We haven't talked in months;boy. You think I still like you and care for you? Get a clue. I'm over it. And you. You destroyed me. Completely. And now I am back together and you pull this shit?
I'm sorry but the ties you severed with your decision months ago don't mend over a one day hang out. You should have known this. I destroyed you? Oh pleasee;kid. I just broke your heart and I didn't mean to even do that. I didn't destroy you. Make you have meltdowns. You did that to me. Remember? I'm sure you do. You did the worst job on me any guy has ever done.
Pain like that can be mended over a one day hang out. I'm sorry it just can't.
And stop acting like you still know me. You don't even have a clue who the fuck I am anymore.
|
|
| I am so sick of this shit. |
[Jul. 22nd, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
heartbreakers movie. |
] |
I`m getting so weary of all the hook-ups I have. I`m so sick of it all. Hooking up with guys; I never see most of them again. If I do it`s just plain awkard. It`s getting so old; so fast. It`s like a constant tug on my heart strings. I need more. I need to have someone love me back. I am sick of this shit. The games we play, playing hard to get. It`s annoying now.
Please be patient with me; heart.
*edit*:
jonah you are a dick. and an ass. but than again you are the typical guy. && yet i still wanna see you again.. i`m fuckedd upp.
and by hook ups. i am not talking about having sex retards.
|
|
|
[Jul. 20th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
fourletterlie. |
] |
Is this what they call growing up?
The shapes, the feel, then count me out.
Everything's a joke, a lie.
And I am so sick of it.
FRIENDS ONLY.
Comment this entry
&& add me firstt.
&&after you tell me
why i should add you;
I will or won`t add you.
|
|